Hope dies last ....(What can I do to make you see?...)

I've been thinking about it the last few weeks...there has passed so much time from the moment we met each other...I guess none of us could have ever guessed how things would have come to this point...there have been times when the idea of fleeing passed through my mind but I said NO!I ain't gonna give up now...I always feel that nothing is over, even though everything seems to be buried to the ground, I still think that everything is somewhere within my two hands and I'm just unable to control  properly the situation...

...I would like to be more precise but it would be better if  I kept the action out of my little non-happy end story(at least till now...)so I will go on in the same track...a track which seems so beaten...sometimes I don't even recognize myself!I feel lost...Why everything seems so simple to everybody except from me?Feels like I'm seeing everything through broken glasses, which don't give me the opportunity to see clear and use my common sense to get the best out of it...so many questions...and so many different answers...It feels like I'm just another marionette in this puppet show...I want to give the image to my own self that I know what to do...that I know things that the others don't...the problem is that I can't even convince myself...and if you can't do that you can't do anything...

The more you think of it...the deeper your wound becomes...have you ever considered what makes somebody a parasite?...Mostly the fact that unless other people were living he wouldn't be either...depending always on somebody else...to do the dirty job for you...live for you...

So I ended up where I started...What I can do to make you see?I've tried so much all these time...by all means necessary...to achieve what?I've only made things worse and now I can only hope for something to change...but don't underestimate this...hope dies last...when everything is already dead and you've nothing left to ask from life...

All in all, I need to see a spark of light in this plain of total darkness...just so that I won't let go...
and I won't...
J.J.